It's one of those days.
I have a migraine that keeps coming back, and a crying baby that I can't seem to soothe. They finally fell asleep after much coaxing. Fighting sleep. If it were an olympic sport, I'd have a gold medalist on my hands.
The weather is wet and miserable. I feel miserable. I feel like crap.
I just want to be back, surrounded by stainless steel, soaked in sweat, running faster than I can catch my breath and with my knife back in hand. With every day that passes it seems less and less likely. Taking a year off is just too much. I am not the domesticated, house-wifey type. You can only clean your house so many times before somebody walks in and asks if somebody actually lives there.
Frustrated. Good god.
If you asked me a year ago where I would be in life, this would not be it. I'd have been off cooking in some foreign kitchen, not stuck at home rotting away. Not begging for a job thanks to crappy availability.
My job was my life. My co-workers were family. This feels like some shitty divorce.
So much for building myself.
Ciao
Friday, August 29, 2014
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Pine Trees & Lions
Laying here trying to update my resume...little one is sprawled out on my chest after a meltdown that began when I put them down so I could do dishes. You take for granted these type of things when you don't have a young one wanting to cling to you 24/7. Mind you, I quite enjoy the warm cuddles and love, so I guess dishes can wait. Maternity leave gives you more hours in a day than you know what to do with.
No good news yet on the kitchen front. I'm hoping soon somebody will be desperate enough to give me a little work. Most places want full time but until the spring I am unable to give much availability. Baby needs me. Hopefully around christmas I can pick something up...either that or I'll do some thing out of the house.
It makes me some what sad though knowing that christmas season is coming up and I won't be there to be apart of the banquet and dining room rushes this year. Thinking back to my childhood years whenever I dreamed of big ball rooms and banquets, I was dreaming of the food. The chefs, cooks and tables piled high with food. And thus, during every christmas season, even though I know it will be crazy busy and sleep is little, I get in the happiest of moods. I'm the happiest at the start and the saddest at the end.
I love my baby to no end, but it really has been hard not being in a kitchen. I sometimes (in a moment of insanity) wonder if yes, I should find a different occupation (I don't mean it!) but then I remember it's not JUSTa job. It's a culture and lifestyle, and mostly important, it's a love and a passion. I want my children to learn how to cook and do so properly. With the future of food in households being pre-packaged and sugar and fat filled meals, I want my children to know you can make a simple tomato sauce that's healthy from your own backyard. I want them to learn that YES, the smallest of details do matter. That hard work and discipline can earn you the respect and knowledge you need in life.
Plus let's face it, what person wouldn't want a spouse that can cook?
Ciao!
No good news yet on the kitchen front. I'm hoping soon somebody will be desperate enough to give me a little work. Most places want full time but until the spring I am unable to give much availability. Baby needs me. Hopefully around christmas I can pick something up...either that or I'll do some thing out of the house.
It makes me some what sad though knowing that christmas season is coming up and I won't be there to be apart of the banquet and dining room rushes this year. Thinking back to my childhood years whenever I dreamed of big ball rooms and banquets, I was dreaming of the food. The chefs, cooks and tables piled high with food. And thus, during every christmas season, even though I know it will be crazy busy and sleep is little, I get in the happiest of moods. I'm the happiest at the start and the saddest at the end.
I love my baby to no end, but it really has been hard not being in a kitchen. I sometimes (in a moment of insanity) wonder if yes, I should find a different occupation (I don't mean it!) but then I remember it's not JUSTa job. It's a culture and lifestyle, and mostly important, it's a love and a passion. I want my children to learn how to cook and do so properly. With the future of food in households being pre-packaged and sugar and fat filled meals, I want my children to know you can make a simple tomato sauce that's healthy from your own backyard. I want them to learn that YES, the smallest of details do matter. That hard work and discipline can earn you the respect and knowledge you need in life.
Plus let's face it, what person wouldn't want a spouse that can cook?
Ciao!
The Facts
I found myself stumbling into this culture in my late teens. It was no easy beginning and nor should it be. Its a tough industry.
I persisted and fell in love with what this crazy world of food and drink had to offer. I fell in love with the people I met. SO much personality and found that my wild and "head shaking" personality meshed right in. I'd be lying if I sat here saying that I'm this serious, and well behaved young lady. I love my liquor straight and I LOVE my music loud. But always guaranteed to be on time for work the next day and bring my A game. I treat others with respect and put loved ones before myself.
What has set me apart from the crowd is simple: I'm trying to climb this mountain of a career while also balancing the title of- single mom. In our area females in the kitchen are still a rarity, much less a female who is a single mother. Some how (like with every other situation) I found myself a mother. I had vowed to never have children and next thing you know I'm with child. 10 months later here I am and could not be happier. I'm so in love! Things have changed and it's great. My time is split between changing diapers and upping my game on the line.
Many don't believe I can or should continue in this industry. That it won't set a good example for my child. That a 9-5 job would be a better choice. But I say what better example can be set than showing your child that one should do what they love. If you work hard enough you will succeed.
In short, my life is crazy. After giving birth to a beautiful baby only a short time ago I am making every attempt to re-enter the industry. My motivation has never been bigger and I can't wait to see where the road takes us now.
It's a brutal industry and I'll write it like it is.
I persisted and fell in love with what this crazy world of food and drink had to offer. I fell in love with the people I met. SO much personality and found that my wild and "head shaking" personality meshed right in. I'd be lying if I sat here saying that I'm this serious, and well behaved young lady. I love my liquor straight and I LOVE my music loud. But always guaranteed to be on time for work the next day and bring my A game. I treat others with respect and put loved ones before myself.
What has set me apart from the crowd is simple: I'm trying to climb this mountain of a career while also balancing the title of- single mom. In our area females in the kitchen are still a rarity, much less a female who is a single mother. Some how (like with every other situation) I found myself a mother. I had vowed to never have children and next thing you know I'm with child. 10 months later here I am and could not be happier. I'm so in love! Things have changed and it's great. My time is split between changing diapers and upping my game on the line.
Many don't believe I can or should continue in this industry. That it won't set a good example for my child. That a 9-5 job would be a better choice. But I say what better example can be set than showing your child that one should do what they love. If you work hard enough you will succeed.
In short, my life is crazy. After giving birth to a beautiful baby only a short time ago I am making every attempt to re-enter the industry. My motivation has never been bigger and I can't wait to see where the road takes us now.
It's a brutal industry and I'll write it like it is.
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